INCOGNTO

I like to read vanity plates as I am commuting to work. It is a small form of enjoyment that connects me to the other people on the road who are slowing down my progress towards work or home. I, myself, have a vanity plate that I am confident reflects me personally. What, might you ask, does my plate say? Well, here it is -

This picture was taken by my wonderful wedding photographer, Thomas Geist, back in October when I married my childhood best friend. Why did he take such an interest in my license plate? I would like to tell you that it was because I was really early for my wedding, making it an oxymoron. I would like to say that it was just a funny image among many other gorgeous wedding images. I would like to lie about it, but the truth is right there is red - I was 40 minutes late to my wedding. I am constantly late to every social function that I attend. If I didn't have a flexible work schedule, then I would be late to work every day. I am always late.

My lateness is not from a lack of trying to be somewhere on time. I try very hard to be on time, but I seem to suffer from the inability to mentally gauge the amount of time it takes for me to get ready for an event, and the time required to travel to that event. To be fair, my late arrival to my own wedding was not my fault, but the retelling of it is more humorous when I get blamed, once again.

My vanity plate truthfully labels me for the other drivers on the road. While I was contemplating the creation of this blog on my way home from work yesterday, I saw another vanity plate that caught my attention. It read: INCOGNTO.

in-cog-ni-to [in-kog-nee-toh, in-kog-ni-toh]

–adjective

1.	having one's identity concealed, as under an assumed name, esp. to avoid notice or formal attentions.

incognito. Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/incognito (accessed: April 22, 2009).

Mr. Silver Camry with your "Carolina is Obama country" bumper sticker, do you really think that you are avoiding notice when you have a vanity plate?

Vanity plates are meant to draw attention to the car that they are placed on, and to the person that drives that car. We pay extra money for these plates to stroke our own vanity by expressing ourselves in eight characters or less and thinking that people will read them and care what they say. I know - I think about it all the time. "Is the person behind me thinking that my license plate says I'm late because I only go five miles over the speed limit, not 10, while they are riding my rear end in an effort to express their frustration, which I will ignore on principle?"

From the definition of incognito above, I am struck by the ridicule I expect Mr. Silver Camry to be subject to on account of his witty, but inapplicable, word choice for his license plate. Honestly! We know you want our attention, but we really don't care who you are - you are in a silver Camry! Now, put that plate on a Lotus or Corvette (though I think they are ugly), and we might wonder who you are and what you do. The Camry actually fits in with the definition of incognito, your plea for attention with a vanity plate does not. In fact, while I laugh at the irony of it, I can't help but laugh at you.